Last Night

Last Night, I had a bad night, where an ex had reminded me he had gone to the local fair last year with some other girl. I was thinking how unfair life is, in general, while laying in bed before sleep and could as my shaman eyes saw it, see a tangible thread or rope in life called “what isn’t fair”. What isn’t fair had tried to kill me, sent men away from me, sent men to harm me, and many other things. I , in a dream walking manner grabbed a hold of it’s not fair tangible, and my life became revolutionized. Everything that never happened and never was fair, became fair. The night stretched on and was beautiful, I had been one with the unfair tangible before and then I had become so hurt and so angry I quit being one with unfair tangible. Then The Unfair began to work against me, and to hurt me and to make me hurt.

Shamans.

I have ascended more in the last three days than I have in the last three years.

I choose to put this here and cross post to vamppress, because there is a way to conquer the unfair tangible, but you have to SEE what and why it is there, why is life so unfair for you? Sometimes, we waste oppurtunities, rather than have them taken away from us.

Then, I remade the new unfair tangible and tried to figure out what was wrong with the old one. There was nothing there to lead the unfair tangible as a shaman, it had become abandoned by another disincarnate. Unfairness is nothing but a small servitor that we think of as unfairness from god or the world, because we’re less to ourselves than what we really are. The story the teacher said always had to have a villian, a bad guy an antaganist, someone that stood against every good guy in the world. Unfairness kept us alive.

It was unfair that my family didn’t want me. It was unfair that I had to move into a shelter. It was unfair to make us all get up at 6 am in the morning and be out by 8 am, and not back in till 4:30pm. It was unfair that I was not happy when I Moved. It was unfair that the guy didn’t love me like I loved him. It was unfair that I got sick and had to go to the hospital. Unfairness moved me forward and kept me alive. It loved me like nothing else could by infecting my life and refusing to go away. “you will have to continue even if I don’t want you too” I said one day when I was five, and she assured me she would. She did.

Today, we remade the old tangible into the new tangible of unfairness. Still as shamans impacting lives and keeping people alive.

I have a new community.

I have a new site at siteground 😉 lol It’s called http://foresthome.paganjourneys.net PaganJourneys.net is an oxwall community and as great as it is, it doesn’t have an rss feed function. The Forest Home is a Buddypress, and I am thinking about changing over to wordpress/buddypress entirely.

 

I hadn’t logged in here for a while because I haven’t felt like writing or doing anything with vampire sites.

I went looking on google and googled real vampires, and the websites all embarassed me, because it was escapism everywhere, and that is not what I am about. I am not trying to be a real vampire to escape a normal world or society; I am an energy consumer. I am an energy shaman. I see better when I eat, drink or consume natural food and energy. I see better when I drink blood in small doses, sometimes, even from myself. I feel better when its cloudy or rainy or stormy weather, because of the natural  wonders of energy in such atmospheres.

Well, you tell me.

Tonight, I asked a neighbor of mine to take me to the store, at the dollar general. He normally takes me as it is cab fare normally if we want to go anywhere. So he has offered to take me and not charge me gas money. He’s an eldery good ole’ boy, like 55 or so. I was told he was only looking for a friend to help out.

Well, tonight he said he hadn’t ate dinner yet so did I want to go to Captain D’s, a nice fish place, fairly so anyway and I said I suppose. That was really uncomfortable with me. I even put my elbows on the table (I am lady HAH! you’re not supposed to put your elbows on the table) and well he noticed and PUT his on the table, same as me. I looked at my plate, allot and then at the boat pictures and the pictures of the ships and netting and stuff… *cringes* and made light talk of the last time I had been there with family and all this, and he didn’t do much else to wig me out and when I went to the dollar store again he let me spend my own money this time lol I bought some halloween doo-dads and some carpet fresh for tomorrow and vacumming downstairs.

I don’t think me and him is going to be hanging out again at all. If we do we’re going to bring someone with us because this is getting odd. I date guys my age, 30’s, late twenties, not 40’s not 50’s not 60’s. I mean I am strigoi I am going to look 18 for the rest of my life. I just don’t look my age and I don’t date anyone other than strigoi men. I don’t want too. I don’t date or screw black men I don’t screw old men. Everytime I hang out with someone it’s always a problem about relationships. I have told people I just don’t date, its like I can never go out and hang out with anyone like me. The neighbor isn’t like me…ugh. It was just an offer  at first to go to the store or hang out and talk on the porch, but now warnings have tripped off in my brain and it’s time to put the boat up and run off home, lock all the doors and hide in the bedroom and hope he don’t come knocking.

I mean that’s a metaphor we haven’t gone fishing and I don’t live in the country. Strigoi men, come save me come hang out and protect me, let me hide under your wing there…sigh. I don’t need a protector but they just don’t seem to get it.